T O P I C R E V I E W |
Dancing Maenad | I am tempted to think, based on my experience, that they only pretend to change so that they get what they want. I do not believe a person can change for someone else, and perhaps they should not. To give an example, say one partner is very pessimistic, do you think they could/want to/should become happier/more positive because they're in love? |
Ami Anne | Welcome DM ------------------ Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course. http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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YoursTrulyAlways | No. Don't attempt to fundamentally change people. It doesn't work. Never ever think a man will change after becoming a husband. That's a huge mistake. It never happens. You marry a man for who he is, complete with all his shortcomings. |
Odette | quote: No. Don't attempt to fundamentally change people. It doesn't work.
I completely agree. |
12muddy | I think it depends on the person. A person is capable of changing, but it depends largely on how much change is required, why it is required and whether he/she is committed enough. I think it's very hard to drastically change their core values. If the behavior/habit is destructive in the 1st place, sometimes it's possible to change for the better. My father was a terrible gambler. Said that it pained him to see my mother's hurt n disappointment so he stopped. About your example, I think it's more complicated. |
Padre35 | Dual edge there, are the flaws what led to the relationship in the first place?And if a partner is that wimpy to not stand up for themselves, is that who ones wants to be with? PPL change over time, there is no way around it |
PixieJane | Some changes are possible (but shouldn't be assumed that it's going to), but something as fundamental as changing from a pessimist to an optimist isn't going to happen. If anything their worries will become worse as they have more to lose, and the best you can hope for is a serene acceptance that life is beyond their control which you may or may not care for. And free tip: when someone says they don't believe in marriage, kids, pets, etc, BELIEVE it, and either agree to it or move on. I have no idea why so many people believe they can change who someone is with the "power of their love" and then get mad when it doesn't happen. And if s/he can't change for their partner, then why do they expect their partner to change? |
Sibyl | Oprah will have something to say about this. Don't love a person for who you think they COULD be. Love them for who they ARE. If you cannot love them for who they are in the present, I would say the relationship is not worth keeping. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTiziwBhd54 "When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them" - Oprah and Maya Angelou. |
PixieJane | ^^ Take out the "s" after "http" so that it works on LL like so: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTiziwBhd54 |
Kerosene | lol nope. but what's worse is people who change when they are too comfortable in relationships.. |
Sibyl | quote: Originally posted by PixieJane: ^^Take out the "s" after "http" so that it works on LL like so: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTiziwBhd54
Thanks for the tip! |
Padre35 | quote: Originally posted by PixieJane: Some changes are possible (but shouldn't be assumed that it's going to), but something as fundamental as changing from a pessimist to an optimist isn't going to happen. If anything their worries will become worse as they have more to lose, and the best you can hope for is a serene acceptance that life is beyond their control which you may or may not care for.And free tip: when someone says they don't believe in marriage, kids, pets, etc, BELIEVE it, and either agree to it or move on. I have no idea why so many people believe they can change who someone is with the "power of their love" and then get mad when it doesn't happen. And if s/he can't change for their partner, then why do they expect their partner to change?
Depends PJ, cynicism does have a half life, otherwise it's merely bitterness and haggard wrapped up in a smiling package As artificial as the Matrix itself so to say I'm not a "power of love" sort, however to deny that love can be found even amongst the most jaded, but looking, is to reduce women and men to simpering apes..ie "you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals" |
CatMote | i dont think you anyone can force anyoen to change. if change is to happen it has to happen from within. i think if theres any force in the world that can change someone, its love. ------------------ Sun Aries Moon Pisces Mars Pisces Venus Pisces Mercury Aries Jupiter in Virgo Saturn in Aquarius Pluto in Scorpio Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn Ascendant Libra |
Dancing Maenad | Thanks for the wise replies, guys! Much appreciated. |
Ami Anne | Teasel ------------------ Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course. http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Ceridwen | No, they donīt change. UNLESS it is already in them, and then it would not be so much of a change, but digging up a trait that has been dormant for what reason ever. And yes, love people for who they ARE not for who they COULD be. Doing the latter is a sure way to heartbreak.
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I'm so cappy | Perhaps love changes people but I think it's silly and in some cases selfish to EXPECT it from them. ------------------ I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. |
DeepFreeze | If they want to, they can. If forced, they have a choice... Change or move on. It can be done. A married couple at work has been through it. He was a very heavy marijuana smoker. She threatened to leave and was quite serious. He quit and hasn't touched it in about 8 years now. |